Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts

December 31, 2010

2010: A Summary

What a year... Whew... I'm happily exhausted just thinking about it. Let's review, shall we?

January 
Daryl flies back to Nashville to resume coursework. This marks our 5th month of living apart since September.  Boo.

I fly back to New Jersey to start my final semester of classes at Princeton Seminary.

I start rehearsals for "A Caucasian Chalk Circle," the spring seminary play where I am cast as (yay!) Grusha, the resourceful peasant mother. One of my best friends is cast as Natella, the evil villainess, and we enjoy verbal sparring on our rides to and from practice.

February
I watch my friend Jinelle skate to Olympic silver with the U.S. Women's Hockey Team. Since the seminary doesn't get the channel, we watch from a nearby Mexican restaurant...


Daryl and I celebrate Valentine's Day apart by cooking the same meal and having a Skype dinner date. Not the real in-person thing, but still pretty good.

After noticing that there are few church jobs in the Nashville area, I apply to the Nashville CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) partnership as a chaplain. I anxiously await word back.

March
We welcomed our new niece, Sophia Joy, into the family! She was, and still remains, the cutest baby EVER. (Besides our other niece, Aleah, of course!)


I have my final review at the Presbytery of Chicago where they officially certify me as ready for ordination in the PC(USA)!

Daryl and I travel (together!) to California for spring break where we visit his family and lots of friends. We also eat at In n' Out Burger about nine times. In one week. Yum.


I hear back that the Nashville CPE partnership would like to interview me. I interview, and a couple of weeks later in...

April
...I hear back that I've been accepted as a chaplain resident at Alive Hospice in Nashville. Daryl and I both breathe a sigh of vocational and financial relief.

I performed in "A Caucasian Chalk Circle" at the seminary. After performance #1 I lost my voice for several anxious hours. Lots of tea with lemon (prescribed by the director), lots of prayer (my addition), and it came back by showtime the following night. Phew.


May
Daryl and I slogged through finals and were rewarded at the end... with one another. The long-distance marriage was over! Hooray!

My parents treated us to a cruise to Mexico. All the gluten free food I could eat, delicious sun, and lots of napping. It was A-MAZ-ING.


We returned to Princeton for my graduation! All done, seminary!


We packed up all of our belongings, and with the help of my parents, loaded them into a storage POD that was sent to await our arrival in Nashville.

June
We headed north to Wisconsin to spend much of the summer with my family resting, reading, and relaxing. A wonderful  reward after nine months living apart from one another, three years of seminary, three part-time jobs, and a whole lot else...

July
We trekked to Nashville to pick out a new home and found the townhouse of our dreams. Less than two miles from Vanderbilt for Daryl, less than two miles from the hospital where I'd be working, and within our price range. We signed the lease the very next day.

August
We travel to Michigan for a week-long family reunion with my dad's side of the family. There are games. There is food. It is awesome.


We move in  to our new home in Nashville, after waving goodbye to our wonderful family in Wisconsin. After hauling in box after box in 105 degree heat, we both agree: this is the LAST move we are ever doing ourselves. Next time (which we think will be years and years down the road), we're hiring movers.







I begin work at Alive Hospice on my birthday, August 30th. Lots of orientation, lots of preparation, lots of great people.

September
Daryl begins his second and final year of coursework at Vanderbilt.

We travel to Asheville, NC with some dear friends to visit Posana's Cafe, an all-gluten free restaurant. It is worth every mile.

We head back to Wisconsin to watch two other dear friends tie the knot in an outdoor ceremony on a beautiful lake. Then we dance all night.

Daryl travels to Oxford to deliver a paper at a conference. He visits all of our old haunts, even eating one of "Ben's Cookies" for me at the covered market.

I receive a semi-cryptic email from a church in Wisconsin asking me if I'd be willing to move to Wisconsin... I respond in the affirmative... They interview me over Skype and we immediately hit it off.

October
The church flies me up for a weekend interview. It goes wonderfully, and at the end of the weekend they extend the call to me! Daryl and I take a week to pray about it and feel nothing but confirmation. I call them back with the news - it's official (though not yet Facebook-public, as I still need to be examined by the Presbytery)!

Daryl's dad and step-mom visit, and we hit up the Frist Museum and the best Predator's game of the year.

My mom and dad visit and we visit an outdoor Chihuly exhibit and explore Nashville and Dad teaches me to make the best gluten free cookies ever.

November
I meet with the PC(USA)'s Company of New Pastors at their conference in Nashville. We spend hours talking and learning about prayer and how to incorporate Scripture into worship in different ways.

We eat the world's best Thanksgiving dinner with some dear (and gluten free!) friends in Nashville. I can still taste that cornbread stuffing.

Friends from Michigan come to visit us and we play board games for hours and hours.

I finish my final day of CPE and say goodbye to some wonderful patients, staff, and fellow chaplains.

Daryl surprises me with tickets to a Ben Folds concert after my last day of work. I sit, enraptured, listening to one of my favorites perform.

I fly up to the Wisconsin for the congregational vote and Presbytery examination. Both go well and now it is officially official - in January I will start my tenure as pastor of 1st Presbyterian!

December
Daryl finishes his coursework after a grueling two weeks of final exams. Cough drops, coffee, and meals I cook and set in front of him get him through.

Back to Eagle River, Wisconsin for a white Christmas at home with my family. Restful, fun, and full of delicious food.

Down to Nashville to pack up a few suitcases and await the arrival of movers who will take all of our worldly goods north to Wisconsin where we will move into the church's historic and very beautiful manse (parsonage).

Which brings us to New Year's Eve, where we'll say goodbye to Nashville and ring in the new year with some dear friends and a pile of gluten free goodies.

Whew... What a 2010! What will 2011 bring? I can hardly wait to find out... New Year's plans coming soon!

April 6, 2010

Pressing On

I like to be comfortable. We all do, don't we? Comfortable is safe and familiar, warm and fuzzy. Even if we don't like what we're comfortable with very much (this same road construction delay, again?) there's still comfort in its familiarity, its sameness.

This Sunday our pastor preached a sermon on John 20 - Jesus' resurrection. Mary comes to the tomb to visit her Lord and finds him gone. Angels announce this to her, but she is so distraught that she doesn't even seem to notice that they are angels. Jesus is gone. Someone must have stolen his body! They must have taken him away! Hadn't they done enough when they hung him on a cross, mocked him, and let him die?

Then Jesus shows up. Not a dead-and-decaying Jesus. The risen Jesus Christ shows up and speaks to her. In the flesh. And she is, understandably, a bit confused.



Aside from the fact that Mary things Jesus is the gardener (a great illustration to how blinded we can all be to the truth by our own expectations, assumptions, or even our tears), the most interesting part of this passage to me is Jesus' response to her. Mary is scared, relieved, excited, and confused all at once. She cries out to him, "Rabboni!" (Rabbi, Teacher).

Then, instead of responding with the usual Jesus-love that we have come to expect (he did, after all, heal the blind and lame and take time out of his busy days to hang out with the poor, the leprous, and the unlovable), he responds simply: "Do not hold onto me, for I have not yet returned to the Father."

Huh? Jesus, Mary is scared and upset. She needs a hug or an explanation, not an order. And yet, this seems to be an order. What's going on?

Our pastor, Rev. Jonathan Miller, had a great insight. Christ isn't being rude or callous. He is responding to Mary's name for him: Rabboni. This is what Jesus was--he was their teacher and guide, leading his band of disciples and the crowds that followed him to the truth of God. But now things are a little different. He is pressing forward. He tells her, "Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God." After completing his earthly mission, Christ has a new mission. He is to return to the Father, to prepare a place for us, to send the Holy Spirit to us as counselor and comforter. Things, they are a-changin'.

Christ's response to Mary is one of newness. She cannot hold onto him because he has a new mission, and so does she. In a first-century world where women were looked down upon (to say the least), Christ gives her the mission of proclaiming the good news of Christ's resurrection to his brothers. Mary must press on.

Mary rises to this challenge, this mission. She tells the disciples, "I have seen the Lord!" Because her Lord, you see, is risen. And because he lives, she may also live. And because he is pressing on, so can she.

This passage gives me great courage as I head into the unknown. In just over a month I'll be a seminary graduate. Earlier today I sat in on a student loan repayment seminar. On the forms we all had to fill out there were spaces for "permanent address" and "employer." Um, rub it in, why don't you? The majority of us in the room knew neither of those things. It's difficult to work so hard for years and then come to a big blank slate. Will I find a calling that fits my gifts and my heart for the church? Will I have to wait a long, long time? How will the bills get paid in the meantime? Where will we live? What now?

I like to be comfortable. School was hard at times; working two or three jobs to help pay the bills was exhausting at times. Yet, it became comfortable. I know Princeton now. I know my fellow students, my professors, my church. I can find my way to Philadelphia and NYC without much trouble. I certainly know the way to the airport... My apartment, for all its troubles (and they are legion), has become a home. Yet I'm only weeks away from moving on and I'm not to what I am moving.

Yet Christ has called me. Christ has called Daryl. He has called us each and called us both, and he will not abandon us. In this season, I am learning to learn from Mary as she followed after Jesus. Like her, I press on.

February 27, 2010

Lent and Marriage




When I tell people that Daryl and I are spending the year apart, I get a whole variety of reactions. Most of my female friends are instantly sympathetic.

“Ohhhh… how difficult!” they say. “That must be so hard! How do you manage it?” This is by far the most common reaction. Other reactions have included:

“Well, that must be kind of nice, right? I mean, you can just do whatever you want with your free time then, can't you?” This was from an unmarried male friend, who clearly did not know what he was talking about for two reasons. #1. I can still do whatever I want with my free time when I am living with Daryl. Often what I want to do is spend that time with him. Now that I’m in Jersey and he’s in Tennessee, often I still want to spend that time with him, but can’t. This stinks. #2. It isn’t “kind of nice.” It’s kind of crappy. The thing about being married to someone is that you usually really like them. And want to, you know, live with them. I was at least relieved that this comment came from an unmarried male friend, not a married one...

The skeptic look is my favorite response. The “What? WHY?” face combined with the subtle raised-eyebrow nuance of “Is your marriage okay?” and the skeptical “I’m glad I’m not you!” nod. I'll admit, this would probably be my response if I wasn't the one in this situation. And at points during this year, Daryl and I have both asked ourselves and each other the question: Are we crazy?

This question comes up even more now that we're coming to the apex of this separation. While we expected it to get easier the closer we got to being permanently reunited, it's actually gotten harder. On top of missing each other right now, there's the cumulative effect of missing one another over the past seven months, too. It's exhausting at times. Don't get me wrong, we're making it through okay, but it is hard. And it's been long. And the end will be a welcome sight.

It feels appropriate, somehow, that the most difficult season of our 9-month geographical separation falls during Lent. Lent always catches me a bit off guard. After the wonderful craziness of Christmas and the busy start of a new semester, I always look up mid-February and realize, "Oh my goodness, Ash Wednesday is... tomorrow!" And then I have a few moments of feeling like a bad Christian, which is tempered by the fact that I'm a Presbyterian and we don't really do as much Lent as other traditions. But we do some Lent. And after several years of adding in Lenten practices to my life for a season, I know the difficulty and joy that Lent brings. Discipline is hard. Giving up things is hard. But Jesus always manages to meet me in the midst of this season, and because of that I have grown to love Lent.


This is Central Park last February. Everything is hibernating, asleep, and cold. This is how I feel at the start of Lent (and during much of the Lenten season) every year. It's cold and dreary outside. I'm tired of my classes, weary of my job, cold and worn out and irritable. I am an Easter girl, not a Lenten one.

Yet one of the things I love about Lent is that it's all about human weakness. When we go to church on Ash Wednesday and have ashes smudged on our foreheads we are reminded by the minister, pastor, or priest to "Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return." We give up chocolate or alcohol or red meat and this makes us cranky and hungry and we suddenly realize that we are not as in control of our bodies as we would like to believe. Once during a Lenten season when I gave up baked goods (pre-gluten-free days, of course), I remember getting into a totally unnecessary fight with Daryl. This particular fight was all my fault, and after we had gone around in circles arguing for awhile, I finally climbed up into his lap, burst into tears, and exclaimed, "I just need a BROWNIE!!!" Human weakness, indeed

But the purpose of Lent isn't to remember how weak and crappy we are just so that we can properly feel miserable about ourselves. The purpose of Lent is to remind us that we need Jesus. Desperately. Completely. Fully and indescribably. We are dust. He is God. We are broken and small; he is mighty and compassionate.

A Wheaton professor of mine once remarked that the point of fasting during Lent is not to prove to ourselves how good and holy we are. It's to fail in our attempts and realize our utter weakness. We strive to be obedient to the Lord, and yet we are reduced to bundles of cravings after giving up something so small as one meal or one type of food. It's to remind us daily how much we need our Lord in all things, the small as well as the big.

Lent is dark and cold and often lonely. I chafe against the disciplines I am trying to instill in myself daily, the Scripture reading that I often put off until midnight, the Internet surfing I am trying to cut down upon (I haven't given up any food or drink items for Lent this year because I'm still learning how to give up gluten, and that's challenge enough). I am tired and worn and cranky. But Lent helps me remember, despite the busyness of my days and the noisiness of my life, that I am dust.

 
 At the end of this season comes spring. And Easter. Glorious Easter. Where we remember that we are dust, but that we serve a God who created humanity out of the dust, who saves us from our brokenness, and who defeated the powers of sin and suffering that we struggle against each day. Daryl always half-teases me that I am too quick to run to Easter. This is true. I like happy and bright and bubbly and cheerful. I am an Easter girl, not a Lent girl. And because of this, I continue to strive to learn about Lent by walking the road of Lenten discipline. The sadness and stillness of meeting Jesus in Lent helps me be a better chaplain and pastor, a more compassionate minister of the Gospel, and a softer and gentler person. I am an Easter girl, but many people around me are Lenten people, and I have much to learn from them. Christ is risen, but Christ also suffered and died. Both are true. Both are important.

Yet I cannot help but look toward the tiny light at the end of the Lenten tunnel even now. Christ suffered and died, but this is not the end. At the end of this season comes spring. And Easter. And the beginning of daily life with Daryl once again. At long, long last.

Amen and amen.

February 14, 2010

Valentine's Day from Far Away

It's Valentine's Day! Yay!

It's Valentine's Day, my husband lives in Tennessee, and I live in New Jersey! NOT yay! The OPPOSITE of yay! Booooooooo!

Luckily I've never been much of a huge Valentine's Day fan. In college I used to get kind of depressed and wear all black (granted, I was usually single at the time). It's a pretty silly commercial holiday. It makes single people feel extra alone, and makes couples feel the need to spend money on tacky junk.

It also falls quite soon after both Christmas and our anniversary, so I'm kind of on candy-and-gifts overload by February 14. I know, I know, who knew this could happen to me, but it does. Granted, I still love receiving my annual Valentine's Day package from Mom and Dad (and this years contained a USA Hockey shirt signed by Jinelle! Now I'm a real fan!), but I feel no pressure to celebrate this holiday to its fullest. So I'm not as sad today as I would be if I was alone on my birthday. Birthdays are SERIOUS. In fact, I'm not really sad at all. But I do miss Daryl a bit more today than I do on normal days... Tennessee is just so darned FAR.

Still, if this year has taught us anything, it's that staying maritally close when we're geographically far does take work but it's infinitely worth it. So we've learned to be creative.

Therefore, we planned a Valentine's Day together even though we're far apart. What can I say? I have a really sweet, wonderful husband. Our Valentine's Day celebration consisted of the following:

1. Going to church (1st Pres., Moorestown - me, The Village, Nashville - Daryl)
2. Watching Team USA Women's Hockey annihilate the Chinese team 12-1 (me).
3. Napping (Daryl - who didn't get the hockey channel).
4. Cooking the same dinner in two different states.
5. Skyping during our romantic dinner.
6. Opening sweet Anniversary/Valentine's Day cards we wrote to one another.
7. Looking forward to seeing one another on Thursday for a long weekend. Looking soooo forward to it. Last time I saw Daryl I was still suffering from the February death-virus, and our visit looked a lot like this:

Daryl: Morning, sweetheart. How are you feeling?
Me: (Grrrraarrrrrppphhh, sniffle.)

(later)

Daryl: Are you going to get up? It's almost one in the afternoon.
Me: (Mrrrrph, sniffle. Groan.) Yes, I'll get up.
Daryl: Great! What do you want to do?
Me: Take some Tylenol Cold and go back to bed.
Daryl: Okay...
Me: No, wait!
Daryl: (hopeful) What?
Me: Can you turn on a movie for me?

(much later)

Daryl: Do you want anything to eat? I'm going to make dinner.
Me: (Sniffle, sniffle). Sure.
Daryl: What sounds good?
Me: Sprite.
Daryl: Sprite? Anything else?
Me: More Tylenol.

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to see my dearest love and not even being able to have a conversation with him, I was so out of it. It was really sad.

But now I am well and I am only five days away from seeing him again and proving that I am more than just a sniffly, snuffly, Kleenex-toting entity. It will be sweet indeed.

Since I haven't posted a recipe in awhile, here's our tasty (and gluten-ous free-ous) Valentine's Day Dinner:

Cabernet Beef Roast (pre-marinated from Trader Joe's)
* Pan sear in a frying pan on each side with a little olive oil.
* Bake at 375 degrees for about an hour
Mashed Sweet Potatoes 
 * Bake 4 sweet potatoes for 1 hour
 * Remove potatoes, peel and mash
 * Mix in 1/4 c. butter, 1/2 c. milk, 1/3 c. maple syrup, and 1 t. salt
 * Bake in a small casserole dish for 45 minutes
Roasted Broccoli
 * Toss broccoli in 2 t. olive oil
 * Add 1/2 t. salt and 1/2 t. pepper
 * Bake in oven at 400 degrees until broccoli is slightly tender (15ish minutes)
  *Sprinkle with lemon juice (optional)
 Corn Bread
 * Courtesy of Pamela's oh-so-helpful baking and pancake mix. The recipe is here.


Dessert was going to be Trader Joe's flourless chocolate cake, which is completely amazing and supposedly doesn't contain gluten ingredients (or at least didn't back in August...). I was overeager and ate a small slice yesterday. BIG mistake. Enormous tummy aches followed. So dessert is probably the sorbet I still have in my freezer from the February illness-of-death...
 
So happy Valentine's Day all you married folks. And all you engaged folks. And all you single folks. Eat some chocolate, give someone a hug, and start looking forward to Easter. Now there's a holiday!

January 20, 2010

I('ve) See(n) Dead People

I did a hospital chaplaincy internship this summer. Called CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education), this internship is required for many of us who are entering ministry. I dragged my feet quite a bit on the way in (I really don’t like hospitals at all, but as my supervisor soon helpfully pointed out, no one likes hospitals), but it turned out to be a truly incredible experience.  In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I go back to volunteer as the night on-call chaplain when the chaplain’s office is short someone to cover that shift.



Of course, with HIPAA and just plain ol’ pastoral confidentiality, I can’t share any specific details. But I can say that I worked in an ICU and saw a lot of healing, recovery, and joy, as well as a LOT of death, grief, and sadness.

In a modern world where our lives are amazingly sanitized, death often seems very far away. It can even seem downright mysterious. When I got my first on-call page at 3am, my first thought as I groggily sprinted to the Emergency Room was that I might be about to see my first dead body, apart from funerals. What was it going to be like? Would I freak out? Would it just seem normal? Would I say something so accidentally insensitive that I would be kindly asked to leave the program and never become a pastor?!?! I took a deep, deep breath and said a very earnest prayer. “Jesus, help me do this. And help me not to pass out. Or say anything really stupid.” And, praise be, he did.

Anne Lamott, in Traveling Mercies, says that her two most-often used prayers are “Help me, help me, help me” and “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Nothing made me understand this like CPE. When that pager goes off and there are only minutes to get to the room of a patient, and that patient may be in any state, from death to near-death to just bored and in need of a conversation (this happened much more often than I expected), those prayers fell like my hurried footsteps. “Help me, help me, help me, Jesus.”

Since CPE I’ve found myself thinking more and more about grief, mourning, and death. Not in a morbid or overly-fascinated way. I’m in no hurry to approach it myself, mind you. But CPE has a way of reminding a person how very tenuous life is. It seems like for every person who comes to the hospital with just a broken arm, another person comes in with end-stage cancer or an aneurysm, and never leaves again. Sometimes people come in for something small and find out it's something major. I also didn't really know how ugly and awful the physical reality of death can be. Sure, some people die peacefully in their sleep, but this is something I have yet to see for myself. In the hospital, despite doctors' and nurses' best efforts, death is often messy and unscripted and horrible. It happens at three in the morning or before a loved one arrives or hours after it was predicted, when a family is all but crazed with anticipatory grief.

After my internship this summer, I’ve found myself wanting to cling more closely to Daryl (difficult, as he is hundreds of miles away), to protect him (and the rest of my family and friends) from any possibility of a car accident or a fire or a heart attack.

But I can’t protect my loved ones from these things. No one can. So I’m left to face the scary reality of death and the (perhaps) scarier reality that we am not in control of when death approaches us or the ones we love. This has driven me to greater prayer, but also to greater contemplation of what I believe death to be.

A fellow student in my Theology of Scripture course today said, “You know, death isn’t the worst thing. We treat it like it’s the worst thing, but it isn’t.” So true.

A professor of mine said recently that he has trouble teaching courses on the apostle Paul because Paul is like a pastor to him. Daryl once told me that he didn’t know if he could write his master’s thesis on Bonhoeffer because Bonhoeffer is his pastor. As the winds and waves of seminary have gotten rougher, I’ve realized that I need to return to reading some of my pastors. And perhaps there is no one more familiar and comforting to me than C. S. Lewis.




Two nights ago I finished The Silver Chair. While this used to be my least favorite of the Narnia books (what can I say, I loved horses as a young girl, and they rarely appear in this book…), as I’ve gotten older it’s become one of my favorites. It speaks so beautifully to the utter slog that the Christian life can seem at times. Mired in modernity and confusion, Aslan’s voice can seem very far away, yet we must still follow him.

Anyway, I bring this up because of one of the ending scenes in the book. The book ends with the death of King Caspian. Caspian is one of the longest-running characters in the Narnia series. He appears first in book two (Prince Caspian), sails the world throughout book three (The Voyage of the Dawn Treader), and then appears again in The Silver Chair (I know modern reprintings have changed the order of the series, but I am a die-hard believer in their original order – starting with The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and ending with The Last Battle). By the time King Caspian is a frail, elderly man, we’ve known him over the span of three books, and grown quite attached to him. He sails home from his final journey to bless his only son, Prince Rillian, and then he dies.

Soon thereafter, the two children of the story—Jill and Eustace—are brought by Aslan to a great mountain. There is a stream on the mountain, and the dead king lies in it with the waters flowing over him. Aslan, Jill, and Eustace stand over him and mourn. The exchange that follows goes like this:

“Son of Adam,” said Aslan, “go into that thicket and pluck the thorn that you will find there and bring it to me.”

Eustace obeyed. The thorn was a foot long and sharp as a rapier.

“Drive it into my paw, Son of Adam,” said Aslan, holding up his right fore-paw and spread out the great pad toward Eustace.

“Must I?” said Eustace.

“Yes,” said Aslan.

Then Eustace set his teeth and drove the thorn into the Lion’s pad. And there came out a great drop of blood, redder than all the redness that you have ever seen or imagined. And it splashed into the stream over the dead body of the King. At the same moment the doleful music stopped. And the dead King began to be changed. His white beard turned to gray, and from gray to yellow, and got shorter and vanished altogether; and his sunken cheeks grew round and fresh, and the wrinkles were smoothed, and his eyes opened, and his eyes and lips both laughed, and suddenly he leaped up and stood before them—a very young man or a boy. Jill couldn’t say which, because of people having no particular ages in Aslan’s country…And he rushed to Aslan and flung his arms as far as they would go around the huge neck; and he gave Aslan the strong kisses of a King, and Aslan gave him the wild kisses of a Lion.

At last Caspian turned to the others. He gave a great laugh of astonished joy.

“Why! Eustace!” he said. “Eustace! So you did reach the end of the world after all…”

Eustace made a step toward him with both hands held out, but then drew back with a startled expression.

“Look here! I say,” he stammered. “It’s all very well. But aren’t you--? I mean didn’t you--?”

“Oh, don’t be such an ass,” said Caspian.

“But,” said Eustace, looking at Aslan. “Hasn’t he—er—died?”

“Yes,” said the Lion in a very quiet voice almost (Jill thought) as if he were laughing. “He has died. Most people have, you now. Even I have. There are very few who haven’t.”

I love Lewis’s reminder that Christ has gone before us, and for this reason, death is simply the pathway to life. Hard to remember, in light of all the suffering around us, but profound nonetheless.

Dr. Davis taught about funerals in this week’s Presbyterian Worship course. He asserted the importance of having some prayers prepared to help us in funeral services. This was a prayer he used as an example, and the prayer I’ll leave you with today:




God,
You have designed this world and know all things good for us.
Give us such faith that, by day and by night, in all times and in all places,
we may without fear entrust those who are dear to us to your never-failing love,
in this life and in the life to come; through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

January 6, 2010

Home for the Holidays

Hello, friends,

Forgive the lengthy hiatus - I intended to update more while I was on winter break, but alas, I spent the majority of my time eating, sleeping, and playing the Settlers of Catan. So no updates, but I have returned to New Jersey a very rested Courtney.

Here are some photos from the trip home (with accompanying explanations):



It was Christmas. Santa came to our house, in the form of a small, 1 1/2 year old girl who had a serious fascination with cats.

 

Christmas Eve I sang in alto for our church service with my dad singing tenor and Caroline playing her viola. This was our whole crew, including Eric, our worship leader and pianist, who broke his hip only a few weeks earlier playing broomball. He played the whole service and all of the rehearsals - that's dedication!




Christmas morning! Matching pajamas are a family Christmas tradition. Cait and I each got a sewing basket from mom and dad to help us as we continue to learn how to sew.

 

Jared, Cait, and Aleah outside playing. Aleah LOVES the snow, even though she can't even put her arms down when she's all bundled up...

 

Christmas night we always drive up to the Simeones for an amazing dinner and games. We look forward to this all year long. This is me, Daryl, and Danny (who is so crazy grown up now I can hardly believe he used to spend hours building cardboard spaceships with my youngest sister, Caroline...) awaiting the feast.  The sign on the back wall reads "Sit Long. Talk Much. Laugh Often." That about summed up our wonderful night here.

 

The whole crew (minus my dad, who was taking the photo), including classic Simeone salad.

 

We also had an ugly sweater competition.  Ugly Sweater parties seem to be rising in popularity, as this was my second one of the season. Luckily Mom and Caroline had some to spare for Daryl and me. Aren't we a classy bunch? My mom's sweater won. It's hard to see in this photo, but it shows an entire mantle with stockings hanging from it. And it has shoulder pads. Rockin'.

 

The cutest little niece ever.

 

Yellow Birch Lake in winter. Didn't I grow up in a crazy-beautiful place?

 

Caroline is a budding photographer, and she took some photos of Daryl and I for our anniversary. We didn't have many good pictures of us since the wedding (three years ago! eep!), so this was a huge blessing. She's really talented!

 

 

 

That's all for now! More photos to follow when I get them. We also had a few great meals with Grandma and Grandpa, and my aunt, uncle, and cousins came up to visit from Chicago. All in all it was a really wonderful, fun, restful holiday.

What about you? How was your Christmas?

June 23, 2008

"Do Not Fear" - My First Sermon

Do Not Fear
Matthew 10:24-33

A sermon delivered by Courtney Ellis at the First Presbyterian Church of Burbank
June 22, 2008

The year was 1945. World War II was rapidly drawing to a close, but still thousands upon thousands of Jews and dissenters against the Third Reich languished in concentration camps. In one of the smaller camps, Flossenbürg, a young German pastor and theologian awaited the end of the war. He had been thrown in prison both for his participation in
the plot to kill Hitler and for his Christian teachings. He refused to give allegiance to the Nazi regime, and proclaimed only allegiance to Christ. But the war seemed to be at an end. The pastor felt a small glimmer of hope. It was possible that he would be released.

However, that glimmer of hope would go tragically unrealized. On April 9, 1945, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, beloved Lutheran pastor and theologian was hanged. On April 23, 1945, Flossenbürg Concentration Camp was liberated, and the remaining prisoners were set free. Bonhoeffer had missed freedom—and life—by a mere two weeks.

The world’s loss of such a brilliant and sensitive theologian, a man who loved life so much, is tragic indeed. He was a profound writer, and there is no telling what he could have accomplished, not to mention how unthinkable it was for his family, friends, and fiancée to lose him at such a young age.

At the same time, Bonhoeffer was willing to die for Christ. One of his biographers, Renate Wind, published a poem that Bonhoeffer wrote to his mother and his fiancée, weeks before he died. One of its central stanzas goes like this:

Should it be ours to drain the cup of grieving
even to the dregs of pain, at thy command
we will not falter, thankfully receiving
all that is given by thy loving hand.

Do not fear. These are the words of Jesus to his disciples in Matthew 10. These are the words of Jesus to us today. These were the words of Jesus to Dietrich Bonhoeffer, murdered by the Nazis. Do not fear. It was a phrase that Bonhoeffer knew well. He often thought about his own death—during Nazi Germany death was ever present, and standing up for Christ and the Jews meant that death was not only possible but likely.

Yet Bonhoeffer stood firm. He would not sacrifice his commitment to Christ in order to appease an evil empire. Bonhoeffer was unafraid, writing that the death of a believer in Christ “is really only the gateway to the perfect love of God.” Do not fear.

This command of Jesus was given to his disciples in these verses three times between verse 26 and verse 31. In Jesus’ time, when someone emphasized the same idea over and over again, it was like underlining it and giving it an exclamation point. Do not fear. Do not fear. Do not fear.

We need to hear this, don’t we? We are a very fearful people. But what exactly is Christ telling us not to fear? This passage is specific. Though the word used is “them,” and if we read above we realize that we are not to fear those who persecute Christians. We are not to fear the powers that actively work against God’s kingdom. Bible commentator William Barclay puts it this way: “There must be a certain courageous fearlessness in the King’s messenger which marks him [or her] out from other people.”

Christ calls us to follow him in fearlessness. This fearlessness is not of our own making, it is ours because Christ has already triumphed over the world. If we are in Christ, the Bible tells us, we are “a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come.” The old creation still lives in sin, it is fearful indeed. The new creation is not fearful of the world, for the world cannot harm it. As both the Psalmist and the author of Hebrews says in Scripture, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can human beings do to me?” (Psalm 118:6, Hebrews 13:6) People can do nothing! God reigns over all and in all.

But wait—you may be asking—what about Bonhoeffer? Where was God then? It certainly seems as if the Nazis had their way with him, doesn’t it? Let’s begin to answer this question by looking back at verse 26: “So have no fear of them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.”

We live in a world that can be scheming, underhanded, and deceitful. But here the Lord tells us that the truth will always triumph. Fearlessness is always coupled with hope and faith in the coming victory of God. In this verse God cautions us against fearing for our reputations. The fear of what people will think is one reason people hesitate to speak up for Christ.

The Nazis began by attacking Bonhoeffer’s reputation. He was not a nationalist (an accusation that meant certain persecution in Nazi Germany), he did not support Hitler. Bonhoeffer stood firm. He loved Christ more than he loved his reputation. Like Christ, when they hurled insults at him, Bonhoeffer did not return violence with violence. Today Bonhoeffer is an incredibly respected figure, among Christians and non-Christians alike, because he proclaimed the truth—that the Nazi regime was evil. Though his reputation was attacked, the truth won out in the end, even after his death.

Now, none of us have to stand up against Nazi Germany. And few of us will be faced with the incredibly blatant evil that Bonhoeffer was faced with. Yet, we still face fear of more minor persecution in our daily lives. When I attended graduate school for English, there were many occasions where my fellow students openly ridiculed the name of Christ. To my great detriment, I stayed silent. I was quite vocal about my belief in Christ at church and with my friends, but I was terrified of what might happen to my reputation if the people at my school found out I believed in Jesus. My fellow students were not the Nazis, of course—far from it. Most of them were just ignorant about who Jesus is. Several of them had never even met a Christian before, and assumed that all Christians were the uneducated, judgmental stereotypes we see in the media. Yet, I was still afraid.

As the program went on, I began to feel guiltier for these silences. If I couldn’t be obedient to Christ in such a central thing, how would I be able to serve him in other ways? God was faithful in my rocky road to obedience—opportunities to speak up for Christ continued to come my way.

One day a fellow student asked me flat out—right before class, when many other people were around—if I was a Christian. I was at a crossroads. Many of you have or will see yourselves at a crossroads like this. Sometimes choices seem a bit grey—you could do any number of things and still please God. But sometimes we’re faced with a crossroads—deny Christ, or acknowledge him. Obey him, or reject him. As we read in verses 32-33, “Everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.” This denial is not always a verbal one, like Peter’s in Matthew 26. We need not say, “I do not know Jesus” to deny him. We can also deny him by our silence, as I had been doing. I had a clear decision to make.

I took a deep breath, and, with God’s help, I said a soft, shaky, “Yes.” The student looked at me for a second, skeptically.

“Huh,” she said. “Interesting. I always thought that Christians were like circus freaks. But you're actually kind of smart..."

It was a small step, but even the smallest step, made in obedience, is progress. God tells us not to fear for our reputations, because the truth will always win out. God is truth. If that one simple acknowledgment of my belief in Christ had ruined my graduate school reputation forever, it shouldn’t have mattered to me. One day the truth—God’s truth—would be made known. The judgments of eternity will correct the judgments of time.

We must note here that speaking the truth is about much more than just being right. Christians have gotten themselves into a great deal of trouble over the centuries when they decide to proclaim rightness. We are called, as Christians, to speak the truth in love—not because we want people to know they are wrong, but because we love them enough to tell them truth. My graduate school friends may never have met another Christian their entire lives. If I had stayed silent, I would not have been loving them. If we really believe that the news of Jesus Christ is the best news, we cannot stay silent.

Secondly, this passage tells us that we need not fear for our safety. In verses 28-29, Jesus says, “Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.”

God doesn’t just notice when a sparrow dies—he holds all things, all creation, all of our daily lives—in his hands. Down to the tiniest molecule, nothing in creation happens that God isn’t aware of. It is also possible that the word translated “fall” here is a translation of the Aramaic word for “light upon.” In other words, God doesn’t just notice every time a sparrow falls, he notices every time a sparrow lights upon a tree branch or hops upon the ground. Nothing goes unnoticed—down to the tiniest sparrow. And if God is watching over the sparrows, how much more will he watch over his children!

Bonhoeffer knew this—even through the very end of his life, faced with torture and execution, he knew that his life was in the hands of the living God. Every moment he could cry out to his creator, for God was with him. Any time he felt anxious or fearful, any time he was tempted to despair, the Lord was beside him in his sufferings.

We live in a world that believes it is powerful. Satan—the one the Bible calls “the prince of this world”—believes that he is powerful. The Nazis believed that they were powerful. But the power of this world, the power of evil, the power of the enemy, this is not real power. Why? Because the worst thing, the very worst thing this world has to throw at us, is death. That’s its greatest weapon; that’s its ultimate threat. Death. And what do we know about death?

Christ has triumphed over death. Romans 8:38 tells us that not even death can separate us from the love of God. In his death and resurrection, Jesus has saved us from death. The Bible tells us that death has no power over us, that it has no sting. As Bonhoeffer wrote, “our death is really only the gateway to the perfect love of God.” The very worst thing the world can throw at us is the very thing that Christ has conquered. We need not fear.

But I’ve glossed over an important section. In this passage Jesus tells us three times not to fear, but he tells us one time that we should fear. “Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both body and soul in hell.” We should fear one thing, and one thing only. We should fear God.

William Barclay tells the story of Hugh Latimer, a Christian bishop in England in the 1500s. Latimer was preaching when King Henry VIII was present. He knew that he was about to say something that would anger the king, and in those days, that could easily get a person killed. So in the pulpit he began speaking to himself, saying:

“Latimer! Latimer! Latimer! Be careful what you say. Henry the king is here.” Then he paused for a moment, prayerfully.

“Latimer! Latimer! Latimer!” he continued. “Be careful what you say. The King of Kings is here.” Latimer knew who his most important audience was. God, the creator of the heavens and the earth. He had a holy fear, a holy respect for God.

Fearing God means understanding that God made us and that at every moment, at every turn, our existence is dependent upon him. Thus, at any moment he could allow our existence to cease. But he doesn’t. Instead he sends Jesus to die so that we may live—in this life and in the one to come. But in this act of love God’s power and immensity is not minimized—we are still called to fear him, to receive his love, and to worship him. With God fear, love, and worship always go together.

Fearing God means understanding that we cannot hide from God’s presence. He is where we are. He sees the depths of our hearts and each thought in our minds. In God’s presence we are fully known and fully loved, and called forth to grow into the people he created us to be.

Fearing God is knowing that Jesus is Lord of all. He is Lord of our lives, of the universe, of our neighbors, of this church. He is all powerful. The fear of God is believing that he is God, and we are not. The fear of God shatters our perception of self-sufficiency. When we begin to know who God is, we begin to realize that we are utterly dependent upon him.

We should fear him because, as C.S. Lewis writes of Aslan—his literary symbol for Jesus—he is not safe. When young children are to meet Aslan for the first time, they are terrified of him. He is a lion, after all, and they are only small children. The lion is golden and shaggy and powerful and fearsome indeed. The youngest of the children asks her caretaker if Aslan is safe. “Of course he isn’t safe,” he replies. “But he is good. He’s the king!”

I was only able to speak up for Jesus when my fear of God, the realization that God is real, that the Good News is real, overcame my fear of my fellow students. I may have brought ridicule upon myself, but if I stayed silent, those students would have missed an opportunity to hear the Good News of Jesus. When we fear people so much, it is because we fear God so little.

This fear of God makes the shallow fear of persecution in this world appear as it really is. Even so, when we fear the ridicule of this world, God is with us, reminding us of his victory over the forces that work against him. His presence helps to teach us that we have nothing to fear in this world. Perhaps Dietrich Bonhoeffer put it best in a sermon he wrote in 1935, a decade before he would be asked to give his life for the kingdom of God. The sermon was called “Learning to Die.”

“Fear God—instead of the many things which you fear. Do not fear the coming day, do not fear other people, do not fear power and might, even if they are able to deprive you of property and life; do not fear the great ones of this world; do not even fear yourselves; do not fear sin. All this fear will be the death of you. You are free from all this fear; it isn’t there for you. But fear God and God alone; for God has power over the powers of this world; the whole world must fear God—God has power to give us life or to destroy us; everything else is a game—only God is in earnest, entirely in earnest. Fear God’s earnestness—and give God the glory.”

Amen.


The link to the sermon's audio is below, but it won't be posted for a couple of weeks or so.

First Presbyterian Podcasts

June 18, 2008

First Pres. Burbank Info

For any of you who are far from southern California, but interested in the church Daryl and I are serving at, here is the link:

http://www.firstpresburbank.org

You can hear all the Sunday sermons podcasted there, as well. Pastor Ross can preach the LIGHTS out, so if you need a good sermon, check out his from this week!

In other news: I saw my first black widow spider two nights ago. Let me describe it: ICK. At least it was outside on our hill and not in my bedroom...