Graduation

In all the hubbub of final exams, traveling, and packing to move, I almost forgot what a momentous occasion this May was. I graduated! I guess that is kind of a big deal.

Princeton Seminary's graduation takes place in the University Chapel, which is beautiful and historic and almost British in feel. Daryl, my parents, and my grandparents were there to cheer me on, which meant a great deal. On Friday we packed and packed, and on Saturday I had an awards' breakfast and then a long walk up do get my diploma.

The breakfast:

The chapel, before and after:

The family:

Some of my favorite professors in the entire world (sadly, I couldn't catch a few of them after graduation, and some of them are on sabbatical and hence, weren't there):

The friends:

Company of New Pastors folk (a program for PCUSA ministers or ministers-in-training):

The guy who got me through it all, and sacrificed his first PhD acceptance in order to follow me to seminary:

I did it! Woo hoo!

Gratitude

I'm back! As promised! Welcome to June, friends.

I have lots of updates to... update. Taking finals, vacation, moving, driving across the country, graduation, saying goodbye, starting a new chapter of life, leaving NJ (!), moving back in with my husband permanently, heading to Wisconsin for the summer. Before I get into all that (which I will, soon!), I wanted to begin with what has been at the forefront of my mind for the past month: gratitude.

This has been a crazy-difficult season of life. From being apart from Daryl to finishing my degree in Princeton to working to moving, Daryl and I have both been quite exhausted. During our most recent long drive (24 hours from Princeton to Eagle River, WI), we talked about what has gotten us through this season. People. Our dear, dear family and friends who have sacrificed, loved on us, cared for us, and blessed us. Without them, we would have probably fallen to pieces at some juncture along this long, long road. What am I grateful for at the end of this month of May?

1. A family who loves me and often knows what Daryl and I need before we ask. My parents took us on the most restful vacation of my life (a cruise! to Mexico! with special gf food!), and then came back to Princeton where my Dad and Daryl proceeded to carry every heavy thing from our apartment into the moving POD. And then they filled up our fridge. And then they let us come to WI for a couple of months to have a real summer of lake-swimming, grilling out, and craft projects. Does life get better? I submit that it does not!

2. Friends who sheltered Daryl for the past nine months. How do you thank people who you'd never even met before this August who invite your husband into their home for the year? And cook him dinner when he's losing his mind during final exams? And become dear friends? You can't... There's no language of thanks big enough for that.

3. A friend who loaned us her car for the year. Her fun, practical, cool, sunroof-equipped car. We didn't have to buy or rent a second car (read: crazy expensive for cash-strapped graduate students!). Again, how do you begin to thank someone for this?

4. Friends from Princeton. Saying goodbye was hard. These friends have brought us food and smoothies, provided incredible and insightful conversation partners, challenged us to live out our faith, and helped us with the little finishing touches of moving (Daryl carried out our last three heavy pieces of furniture assisted by three different friends, all of whom dropped everything the moment they heard we needed a bit of heavy lifting help).

5. Friends from home. It feels so good to be headed toward a summer surrounded by friends (and family!) from home. We never have enough time to visit, catch up, celebrate, and hang out. And perhaps this summer we will. Or at least, we'll have a little bit more.

6. Friends and family from CA. When we were in town we stayed with some dear, dear friends and their cute little chinchilla, Rudy. We made it to the Mother's Day celebration brunch for Daryl's dear grandma and saw almost all of the rest of his family. We had a great dinner with his mom. We visited some other dear friends, even though we were only in town for a short while. We went to Disneyland for free. You really can't beat that.

6. The little things. My final trip to the dentist in NY yielded no cavities. (If you know me well you know that's actually more of a BIG thing than a little thing). Disneyland makes gluten-free EVERYTHING for the same price as the normal stuff. I won an unexpected award at Princeton that led to a surprising check from the seminary that helped us a great deal with our move. I finally got around to getting a Princeton Public Library card and loaded up with books on tape for our long drive. Iron Man 2 was better than expected. The cats stayed healthy. There happened to be a yard sale the same day I realized we had left my old bike out of our POD (and the POD was picked up!), so I sold it for $30 in less than an hour. The little things have been so wonderful.

7. Our great God. I've said this before, but in one of her books Anne Lamott comments that her two most often-used prayers are "Help me, help me, help me" and "Thank you, thank you, thank you." I have said both of these many, many, MANY times in the past month. And Jesus is always there. And when I don't have an ounce left of strength, he provides. And when I'm at the end of my rope, he helps me hang on. And when finals threaten to make me go crazy or the distance from Daryl threatened to make me fall apart, he cared for me. The toughest seasons are often the ones of closest fellowship with the Father, and I've felt that this season. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

More to come (including LOTS of photos)! Thanks for your patience with me this May. There is lots of blogging to come this summer.

Happy June 1. Happy summer. Happy end to a season of running, running, running. As I write this the breeze off of Yellow Birch Lake is coming in my window, ruffling my hair. The cats are sitting on the window ledge watching the trees. Daryl is upstairs eating cereal and I am just about to head to breakfast. It's 10am.

Summer rocks.

Countdown to Leaving Seminary... Top Ten Favorite Memories: 5

6. Final exam weeks.

Final exams are crazy. I've written 80 pages in six days. I've written a 20-page paper and then immediately scrapped it and started over because I knew it wasn't any good. I've had at least one season of final exams where I had very little to do and ended up watching three entire seasons of America's Next Top Model on YouTube so that I could stay awake and keep Daryl company as he slaved away (sigh... I know, I know). I've gone back and forth between studies of Bonhoeffer, Alzheimer's disease, Ephesians, and Brecht in the same 24-hour period. I've somehow (somehow!) managed to stay sane thanks to Jesus, Daryl, and lots of caffeine (in that order).

Finals make for great memories because they are ridiculous. All of us students do the impossible, surprise ourselves, drive ourselves nutty, and sometimes even learn something along the way.

This finals season I had 70+ pages to write in a week. It would have been 70+ pages to write in two weeks, but I had to fly to Nashville for an interview (yay!). My good friend Katie (who had six pages to write - I tried very hard not to hate her for this reason...) came over to work most nights. It was great to have someone around, to take short breaks, to eat bowls of cereal together.

I'll miss the ridiculous things that happen during finals week - things that, if it were not finals week, would make us all seem pathological, neurotic, or just plain bizarre.

I have one friend who wears the same clothes every day until she finishes a paper. It helps her feel like it's just one long day and not days and days of her life she's devoting to the paper.

Daryl chooses a place to work and will work only there for four or five or six days, and then changes abruptly and cannot stand working there anymore. This season it was Panera every day, and now he can't stand to go back and has found a new spot.

When I was a student at Loyola I instituted the "butt-in-the-chair" policy. After managing to procrastinate with everything under the sun (I should match up those pairless socks! I should clean behind the fridge! I should Christmas shop in May!) I sat myself in a chair in front of my computer and would let myself up for only three things: bathroom, 3 daily meals, and bedtime. Of course, I now know that this is how people get blood clots and die. But at the time, it worked wonders for my grades.

Now I do puzzles during finals. Puzzle after puzzle. I'll work for an hour or two, then spend fifteen minutes on a puzzle. It helps my mind to relax while I can still mull over my paper. I probably did ten puzzles during finals week this year. Doing them puts me into that same relaxed state-of-mind that happens in the shower or before sleep. It helps me come up with great ideas and realize which old ones don't work with the argument of my paper. Daryl's dad has a great explanation for the different type of brainwaves that we have and what this type of thought is called, but I don't remember what it is right now... that's what happens after finals!

As a student, finals is like the Olympics. Have you prepared well? Will you choke? Will you fall apart at the seams? How is your equipment? Will your computer die? Will that big jug of Mountain Dew help or hurt? How much sleep does a human being actually need?

When I was in undergrad a friend and I went to this ridiculous all-night diner on the way to Chicago and drank bad smoothies and wrote and wrote and wrote. When I studied at Loyola I wrote papers with Eliot, my new kitten, in a room overlooking Addison Street and Wrigley Field. I ate handfuls of Oreos and Thai takeout. I hardly slept. I read thousands of pages.

Perhaps the best part about final exams is that they end. Then all students go to sleep. The first restful sleep in weeks - nothing is due, nothing is late, nothing else can go wrong. It is done. We sleep and sleep.

The first thing I always do after that sleep is go to the grocery store and take my time choosing each item. I eat terribly during finals, and my brain is so full and strained it almost feels bruised, so it's a joy to focus on something as simple as food. The week after finals I indulge myself. I get the good mozzarella, the pricey-but-amazing orange juice. I read labels and squeeze melons. I meander through the store knowing that, after a grueling week or two and a long semester, I have nothing else to do. I begin the slow stepping-down off of too much caffeine.

I was a little sad to turn in my final final paper this year. For all I know, I'm done being a student. This could be my last paper... ever. I'll miss the craziness of finals, the Herculean effort it takes to get up early and stay up late for days on end while expending crazy amounts of brain energy. I'll miss the accomplishment of finally emailing off a paper, or watching it print. I'll miss the sense of accomplishment. I'll miss the camaraderie that occurs when every student is in the same boat, struggling to stay afloat on a sea of papers and exams. The student life is a good one indeed - even during finals.

 Image borrowed from here.

Thankful

My friend Nish is a great blogger who does a "Thankful on a Thursday" post each week. I'm not great about doing the same type of post every week (see my attempts at Tuesday Recipes and Sunday Poems for examples of that...), but I want to post my thanks this week.

A wonderful, wonderful professor of mine (Dr. Shane Berg - if you're ever a PTS student, take every class you can with him!) is fond of talking about the cycle between thanksgiving and blessing. When we are thankful for others and express that thanks, they are blessed. When we practice gratitude, we are blessed. When we remember our blessings, we become thankful.

I can be a complainer sometimes. Occasionally I have real things to complain about (my cat was dying! my husband is a thousand miles away! the current job market = abysmal!). More often than not my complaining comes from a lack of expressing gratitude and thankfulness in the things I have, both big things and small. It isn't that I am not thankful, it's that it's easier to grouse than to praise, easier to gripe than to thank. I want to change this, expressing the gratitude that is in my heart more regularly. Hence, today's post.

I'm fighting off some significant weariness right now. It has been a long, hard year, and it will take awhile for the core tiredness to fade. I'm a good finisher. I can always finish and finish fairly strong. Once on a drive across the country, Daryl was fading. He's usually the workhorse when we drive; he can drive for hours and hours with nothing but a Mountain Dew and some hard rock on the radio. I can drive for three hours or so, and then I fade. But it was two in the morning in the middle of Nebraska, and he was beat. I got behind the wheel, steeled myself for a long haul, and brought us to the hotel safe and sound in the early hours of the morning. When we pulled up I drove the car under the hotel awning, laid my head on the steering wheel, told Daryl we were there, and promptly fell asleep. This is how I feel at the close of this long, hard, marathon of a year. I'm in. And now I'm exhausted.

This exhaustion, this realization of all I've been through and all that God has brought me through this year makes me even more thankful. I couldn't have done this on my own strength. I've leaned on the Lord. I've leaned on others. I've asked for help when I've needed it, and help has come. And I'm thankful.

I'm thankful for professors who have helped me develop my theology, shared their lives with me, and taught me more than they'll ever know. Thank you, Drs. Berg, Osmer, Brown, Seow, McCormack, Hutton, Duff, Charry, Lee, Lapsley, Appold, Rorem, and Capps. Thank you for teaching me practical theology, ethics, systematics, Greek, Hebrew, church history, homiletics, and the importance of nurturing my personal faith. Thank you for pouring your lives into your students, for laughing with us, for giving us your time and energy, and for working so very hard.

I'm thankful for friends. I won't list because then I'll forget some, but I'm so thankful for friends this year. Friends from seminary, new and old. Friends from home. Family friends.

I'm thankful for family. Family who understands me, supports me, and always welcomes me with open arms, no matter how grumpy, exhausted, or bedraggled I may be.

I'm thankful for two snuggly cats. Some cats don't show affection; mine are snuggly, snuggly cats. They climb on my lap and purr and purr. Not much makes me feel that appreciated.

I'm thankful for the end of this season.

I'm thankful that I'm heading toward a (much-needed!) vacation.

I'm thankful for the abundance of gluten-free foods out there these days. I had pretzels with my lunch. Pretzels! And they were amazing.

I'm thankful for the Princeton Public library. I walked out of there with eight new novels (I'm going on vacation! Woo hoo!) and three books on tape. Daryl and I get to drive across the country listening to Bill Bryson. I always feel like the richest person on earth when I leave a library. I get all of these!? For free!? Are you sure?

When my parents first took me trick-or-treating as a three year old, they told me that if I knocked on a door and said "trick or treat" the person living there would give me candy. I thought they were crazy and wouldn't do it. So my dad picked me up, knocked on that first door, and... I got candy! I looked down into my bucket, my eyes wide, paused for a second or two, then took off sprinting toward the next house. I had discovered the greatest scam on earth! That's how I feel about the library. What a great country we live in! Free candy AND free books! My two favorite things!

I'm thankful for friends' blogs that encourage me and others.

I'm thankful for the weather during final exams. Cool and breezy - perfect in an un-airconditioned apartment during a tough academic time.

I'm thankful for fresh raspberries in the fridge.

I'm thankful for final meetings with Princeton folk--professors, friends, colleagues.

I'm thankful for a successful class at Rider and a great group of students. I'm thankful for the provision of that job, and all I've learned from teaching through the years.

I'm thankful for the incredible generosity of friends who have housed Daryl and a friend who loaned us her car for the year.

I'm thankful for how their generosity has taught me to be more generous with what I have.

I'm thankful for laughter. Laughing with friends, funny movies, funny books, and times where I just have to laugh at myself.

I'm thankful for a God who never leaves, never forsakes, and never abandons. I'm thankful for a God whose promises are new every morning. I'm thankful for a God who has confirmed time and time again that Daryl and I are on the right path this year. I'm thankful for a God who is real and alive.

Mostly I'm just thankful.

What are you thankful for today?

My Life After Finals

Awake after noon.

Wonder why I'm so very tired.

Eat something. Usually GF chocolate chip pancakes. Sometimes fruit. Sometimes eggs.

Consider showering. Watch a little TV instead.

Wonder why I'm so ridiculously tired.

Chronicle a list of things I've done this year in my head (this is Mom's version, as posted on my Facebook): "You successfully juggled several jobs, teaching, traveling out of town on weekends, airline trauma, snowstorm closings, a husband living in another state, all household responsibilities, traveling to presbytery meetings in Chicago, a car with a dead battery twice in one day, a kitty on the brink of death, canceling your only vacation with your husband at Thanksgiving and planned for a year, assistant play directing, a lead role in that play, cooking/eating a special GF diet and these are only the things I can think of. Yes, a long post....but a longer year and I think congratulations are in order. Well done Courtney. And I would like to add, don't ever do it again. Love, mom"

Ah, that's why I'm tired. I love my mom.

Look out the window at the sun in the big oak in our front yard. Pet the cats. 


Pray.


Pray for the Lord to provide a pastoral call for me in Nashville. Pray for rejuvenation of spirit at the end of a long year. Pray for Daryl who is still in the midst of a rough season of finals. Pray for my seminary friends who are also searching, searching, searching for calls and jobs.


Finally shower.


Send some emails.


Grade some student papers.


Miss Daryl.

Drive to Lawrenceville and teach at Rider U. Lecture. Answer questions. Laugh with my students.  


Run errands. 

Have some follow-up meeting with professors. Tear up a little when I say goodbye to those wonderful professors.

Come home.


Miss Daryl.


Remember that I will see Daryl very, very soon. For good. For real.


Remember God's faithfulness in the midst of a crazy season.

Thank God for this faithfulness, for a long year that is drawing to a close, for helping me to learn and grow. For getting me through it all.


Still feel tired, but better.

Countdown to Leaving Seminary... Top Ten Favorite Memories: 4

7. Trips to New York City.

I hate New York City. I really do. It's loud and expensive, and though it's only about an hour away, by the time I get there I'm always tired and nearly ready to go home. That doesn't make me sound very cool, I know. The truth is that I'm not, nor will I ever be, cool. So if you were thinking you were reading a cool person's blog, you should probably go elsewhere. Like to Unhappy Hipsters dot com.

Regardless of my inherent dislike for the city of yellow cabs, I've had some very memorable and hilarious experiences in NYC. For example:

The time my sister Caitlyn and I got stuck on a broken subway and then hopelessly lost, after which we speed-walked through Chinatown at dusk and ended up in a really creepy neighbrorhood. One of the highlights of this visit was the crusty old man we passed on our fast walk who was standing at the doorway of a dimly lit alley "store" with a handpainted sign reading "STUFF." When we hurried past him he started cursing loudly at us for not wanting to check out the merchandise. Eep.

The time I was riding the subway with my parents and telling them about this Mariachi band I encountered on the subway months earlier, and just as I mentioned it the SAME Mariachi band came into our subway car (I recognized the lead dude's crazy mustache). What are the odds?

The time Cait and I ran into Jude Law and she chased him down the sidewalk in her sundress and Chacos while holding a leaky jar of pesto sauce from the farmer's market in a bag she sweet-talked out of a lady who worked at the Body Shop.

 The time I stumbled into the MTV music video awards and got some eye rolls from scantily clad teenage girls when I asked what was going on. See? I told you I wasn't cool.

The time Daryl and I walked with our friend Steven through Central Park right before Steven flew overseas to start his new job in Indonesia. We talked about giving up everything to follow the call of God to seminary or Indonesia. Then I ate a snow cone.

The time I went to NYC with my mom, Daryl, and my sister Caroline and it was so utterly freezing cold that we had to snuggle together at every possible opportunity.

The time my friend Katie talked me into seeing a Broadway show because hey, we're so close to NYC and we're both graduating, and even though neither one of us can really afford it, sometimes you just have to do these things. This last one is happening on Sunday. Yay!


Ah, NYC. I say I don't like you, but clearly I do... at least a little.

Countdown to Leaving Seminary... Top Ten Favorite Memories: 3

8. The Christmas tree.

Our first year of seminary, Daryl and I decided not to decorate for Christmas. It was our first married Christmas, so we didn't have any decorations yet, much less any money to buy any. We were madly writing papers (and this was before Princeton changed its curriculum so that finals were before Christmas!), Daryl was taking an overload of credits, I was teaching two classes, and we were just too busy. Besides, we would be leaving on December 21 to travel home to Wisconsin, where we'd visit my family who would have decorated the house like crazy.

After we had mutually decided this, I was inwardly really sad. We didn't have the money for a tree or decorations, really, and it was the wise decision, but I LOVE Christmas. I listen to Christmas music year-round, I love it so much. Still, I was determined to keep a stiff upper lip and not let on that I was sad. After all, we were on a budget. We really didn't have time. Seminary meant sacrifice, and I could do without ornaments or wreaths for a year or two (or three).

One night, a week or so later, Daryl went out to buy groceries. About half an hour later, there was a knock at the door. Odd, since I wasn't expecting anyone. I went to the door and found Daryl, who asked, "Can you help me with this?"

Behind him was an enormous, six-foot tall Christmas tree.

I've hardly ever felt so loved.

Countdown to Leaving Seminary... Top Ten Favorite Memories: 2

9. President Torrance asking me if I'm a professional actor.

To his (great) credit, President Torrance always comes to see the spring play. I'll admit I got a touch more nervous when I saw him sitting there in the top row of the Friday night show.

After the performance he  came up to congratulate the actors, shook my hand, and asked, quite kindly, in his softspoken Scottish way, "Are you a professional, then?"

Ahahaha... No. But thanks for asking - you made my night!

Countdown to Leaving Seminary... Top Ten Favorite Memories: 1

Because I leave seminary in just a few short weeks (!), I've been thinking about my time here, about what I've learned, what I've loved, and what I've experienced. For the next ten days I'm going to post a memory a day from my time at PTS.

In no particular order, we begin...

10. Moving in.
Daryl and his two wonderful, dear friends Steven and Chris loaded up our Penske truck in Wheaton, Illinois, and drove across the country (I had come out early to start work and was already in Princeton living with an air mattress, a cat, and a folding chair. It was cheery). We had NO idea how much work it would be to move, and though we didn’t have much stuff, our truck was filled to the brim with furniture and boxes. It was August in Princeton, and it was at least ninety degrees out. Chris, Daryl, and I went to sleep that night in our empty apartment weary already at the prospect of unloading it all the next morning (Steven had to fly back early).

When we awoke and began to unload, we were met with half a dozen Wheaton alums (and a few spouses) who had heard of our plight and had come to help. Peter, Travis, James, Nicole, and Matt dropped everything to get hot and sweaty carrying our boxes. Our stuff. Peter’s wife Megan was ill and couldn’t come, but sent cookies.

Moving in took only an hour, and when we were done we ate popcicles and talked about the year to come. I couldn’t believe these people—some of whom I had never even met—had given their mornings to us.