Sunday poems - "Infirmity"

Sandi, a longtime friend of my family and an incredible woman of faith, passed away from cancer last week. Yesterday my mom went to her funeral, and spent part of the day with Sandi's husband and three school-aged kids.

Her death has made me reflective about many things. As her husband Brian wrote in an email sent to all of her friends and family - "cancer was the little 'c' in Sandi's life; Christ was the big 'C'." She had cancer for eight years, and was hopeful, loving, and active throughout those years, despite her diagnosis.

I miss her. My family will miss her. Many people around the country and the world will miss her. The first time I got an email signed just "Brian," and not "Brian and Sandi," it hit me that she is really gone.

I won't belabor things here - for those of you who didn't know her, this is abstract. For those of you who did, there are better and more beautiful tributes on her CaringBridge website. But I did want to post a Sunday poem here, in her memory, and in the spirit of faith in Jesus in which she lived her life.

"Infirmity" - Theodore Roethke

In purest song one plays the constant fool As changes shimmer in the inner eye. I stare and stare into a deepening pool And tell myself my image cannot die. I love myself: that’s my one constancy. Oh, to be something else, yet still to be! Sweet Christ, rejoice in my infirmity; There’s little left I care to call my own. Today they drained the fluid from a knee And pumped a shoulder full of cortisone; Thus I conform to my divinity By dying inward, like an aging tree. The instant ages on the living eye; Light on its rounds, a pure extreme of light Breaks on me as my meager flesh breaks down— The soul delights in that extremity. Blessed the meek; they shall inherit wrath; I’m son and father of my only death. A mind too active is no mind at all; The deep eye sees the shimmer on the stone; The eternal seeks, and finds, the temporal, The change from dark to light of the slow moon, Dead to myself, and all I hold most dear, I move beyond the reach of wind and fire. Deep in the greens of summer sing the lives I’ve come to love. A vireo whets its bill. The great day balances upon the leaves; My ears still hear the bird when all is still; My soul is still my soul, and still the Son, And knowing this, I am not yet undone. Things without hands take hands: there is no choice,— Eternity’s not easily come by. When opposites come suddenly in place, I teach my eyes to hear, my ears to see How body from spirit slowly does unwind Until we are pure spirit at the end.

I Loved this Summer: Part 1

Well, the new academic year is upon us. Daryl heads back to school on Monday. I start work the following Monday. I'm grieving the end of an incredible summer. Does it really have to end? Below are some of the promised pictures from a really wonderful and blessed time with family and friends in states across the country. I wish it never had to end...

We hung out at my parents' lake in Wisconsin and swam, swam, swam.

We visited Bayfield, Wisconsin, on wild Lake Superior with all its natural beauty.

We celebrated our friends Daniel and Emily's wedding with a post-wedding reception in northern Wisconsin. This is a photo of our old homeschooled group of friends. Sigh... Everyone's so grown up now!

I read books to my four-month old (and ridiculously adorable) niece, Sophie.

The girls had days out on the town.

My niece Aleah helped me put on some makeup for date night.

Sophie bonded with her great-grandpa.

Aleah wanted more brownies...

We visited the soon-to-be-married Mike and Tonia up in Duluth.

We saw Split Rock lighthouse on Lake Superior.

I wore my Chacos pretty much every day (and now have a rockin' sandal tan).

Daryl and Dad grilled in a downpour. That's dedication!

Mom and I did some great flea market shopping.

The rest? To be continued (including my very favorite photo of the whole summer!)...

Spider Update

Well, it happened.

I was sitting on the living room floor, assembling a shoe rack, when it happened.

A giant, massive, disgusting, spider crawled across the floor.

I had bare feet. What to do?

I didn't panic. I just calmly picked up part of the shoe rack and whapped the spider with it. One whap. Dead spider.

Then, I called Daryl and had a little mini-meltdown in his arms while babbling things like, "I would be such a terrible missionary! I could only be a missionary to Siberia, or to the reindeer herders! I would be a really good missionary to the reindeer herders!"

Sigh.

I also made him examine the spider (I'd do it, but then I'd wake him up every night for a week with my weird spider-phobic nightmares) and then look online to see if it was, in fact, venomous.

Was it a brown recluse? Results are inconclusive. It did have the telltale brown violin shape on its abdomen, but we couldn't count its eyes (I squished them), and the violin shape is also found on "the cellar spider, and the pirate spider." YUCK. Thanks, wikipedia.

I'm pretty sure it crawled out of our fireplace, so our next step is to have a massive fire in there and stomp on everything that crawls out. Ewwwww...

In the meantime, I'm doing my best to be really brave. And I'm wearing shoes now, for better stomping. Ah, Tennessee... You will certainly take me awhile to settle in.

Ten on Moving-In Day

As soon as I can find my camera cord (ah, the joys of moving), there will be many, many photos to share, both from the summer and from our new home city.

For now, with our home in fairly serious disarray (Daryl and I walk around going, "Where's my... Where's my...") and with small mountains of boxes still to unpack, we'll all have to settle for a "Ten on Tuesday"-style post. Bear with me, friends. I'm still looking for my socks...

1. What's your favorite thing about your new home?

Everything. No, really... I love, love, love, love, LOVE our new home. It's cute and charming and affordable and in a great location. By great location, I mean both not-in-New-Jersey and in a wonderful part of town that's within walking distance of half a dozen great locations.

I love the setup of the townhome - bedrooms upstairs, living/dining/kitchen downstairs.

I love all the sunlight we get, and that we can see the sunset from our front windows.

I love that Daryl and I live here together, like normal married folks are supposed to do.

I LOVE that we have a washer and dryer, and that said washer and dryer are not located in a moldy, spider-infested, continually-flooded basement. I don't have to save quarters, nor do I have to wear my hiking boots to avoid stepping in ankle-deep puddles. Glory be.

God has really blessed us in finding this new place, and I'm super grateful. After looking online for nearly a month, we had a list of "these-might-be-okay" places. My friend Megan (thank you, Megan!!!) gave me the advice to just drive around close to Daryl's school to see what we found. We sat in the car, prayed for guidance and wisdom, and drove straight to this place. I love it when God answers prayers in under a minute. It's rare, but I love it!

2. What has surprised you most about this move?

How much easier unloading is than loading. It took us two days to load up, and about three hours to unload. When we loaded our POD we had to carry everything around the building and up a hill in the backyard. Yuck. The bigger furniture had to go over the balcony railing. It was not fun for anyone, particularly Daryl and my Dad who did about 99% of the work, poor guys.

 Loading up:

Unloading:

Yes, I'm kidding. It wasn't quite as easy as a beach vacation. But... it was pretty easy. A million thanks to our Nashville-area friends Jacob, Ted, and Sean for helping with the heavy stuff. You guys rock.

3. What's your least favorite thing about your new home?

As I was unloading our dishes, I suddenly realized that there is not a single drawer in the kitchen. No drawers! I hadn't thought to look at this when we toured the house, because I've never been in a house without kitchen drawers. Where are we going to put the silverware? In mason jars? In some sort of caddy? In the pantry? To be determined...


4. What is the funniest fight you and your spouse have gotten into regarding this move?

We needed a little corner cabinet or shelving unit in the dining room (probably to hold the silverware, of all things...). We looked online and went back and forth about how much we could afford and whether we should buy something, etc., etc., etc. Daryl wanted something dark wood that would match the other furniture. I wanted a cute cottage-y white cabinet. We both got grumpy. Then we looked over to a pile of boxes on the other side of the room.

"Hey," I said. "What about that shelf we have right there?"

We had forgotten that we had a corner shelf, in our three months of moving madness.

"Well, that would work," he said.

Problem solved. Husband and wife = sheepishly friends again.

5. How do you like your new home town?

I LOVE Nashville. Love it. Love it.

I wish it was a little bit less hot... Maybe 90 instead of 98? But other than that I adore it. And I suppose the greenhouse-like heat and humidity are what cause all of these gorgeous flowers to thrive over on the university campus.

6. What are you most worried about in your new home?

Spiders. I know, that's kind of pathetic, and I haven't seen a single one yet, though I've poked around in all the closets and under all of the cabinets. But I know it's just a matter of time, since we live in the buggy south and all.

I woke Daryl up two nights ago yelling, "Get it off of me! Get it off!" and flipping back the covers of our bed.

He turned on the light switch and said, "Get WHAT off?"

"The spider... centipede... bug... thing..." I said, sleepily. That's when he knew I was dreaming.

"Great," he thought. "Now my wife is wanting me to kill imaginary bugs even in her sleep. Fantastic."

I'm not afraid of much. Tornadoes? No problem. Living in poverty? Come on, I went to graduate school twice. Grizzly bears? Leave them alone and they'll leave you alone. Tiny spiders? No problem. BIG spiders? Kill me now.

My northwoods mother is SO disappointed that she raised such a spider-phobic daughter. This summer I watched her grab big spiders by a leg and fling them off our deck railing. Um, YUCK! I don't have that level of poise and control. Sorry, mom. But you are pretty awesome.

This sums up my spider fear pretty perfectly.

(Thanks, hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com!)

7. When are you going back to work, again?

August 30. My birthday will also be my first day of work. Have I mentioned that I'll be working as a hospital/hospice chaplain this year? I'll be doing a CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) residency year (a year of advanced chaplaincy training) through a Nashville hospital and hospice program.

I'm looking forward to getting back to all the challenges, joys, and difficulties of chaplaincy. It's an incredible privilege to spend the final months/weeks/days of a person's life with them and with their family. There's really nothing quite like it.

It's also a field where I get to use all my ministerial skills, and one that continues to push me to grow as a minister and as a person. CPE has an educational component as well, which I love. It'd be hard for me to go from full-time student status to full-time-work-with-no-educational-component status.

Two weeks until Chaplain Courtney returns!


8. Why did you choose this new spot to live?

Daryl goes to school here. We moved to Princeton for me (though it ended up being a great move for him, as he eventually decided to do an M.Div. there as well), and now we've moved to Nashville for him. Also, have I mentioned that Nashville is awesome? It's awesome.


9. What has surprised you most about your new home?

How many friends and family are coming to visit! We had some great visitors in Princeton, but the most surprising thing to me was that as soon as we mentioned we were moving to Nashville, we were deluged with requests to visit.  Apparently visiting in New Jersey is just not quite as fun/cool/convenient/friendly as visiting in Nashville.

I'm 1,000% excited about having more visitors and being closer and more convenient to those we love. Come visit us, friends!

10. Who are you most looking forward to having visit your new home?

Um, everyone. Seriously. My family, Daryl's family, my friends from seminary, my friends from home, Daryl's friends from home, our friends from Nashville. Come! Come for dinner or games or just to hang out. If you're from out of town, we (for the first time in our married life!) have a guest room! In two weeks we'll even have a guest bed! So you should probably wait two weeks. But then come!

Also, have I mentioned that Nashville is awesome? We have all the music you can stand, pro sports teams, great hiking trails, and all the gluten-free options a person could want (though this probably appeals more to me than to most of you). We also have two fat and happy cats who like to sleep on visitors faces. They'd be happy to sleep on yours.

I Guess I'm Cool Now

I live in Nashville now.

Me.

I live in Nashville.

So does Taylor Swift, Tim McGraw, Amy Grant, and the Kings of Leon.

The Avett Brothers concert here sold out in about nine minutes.

People run into Carrie Underwood and the guys from Switchfoot at the dry cleaners.

It's pretty neat.

Am I Ready for This?

There are many updates to be made on this wonderful summer I've had. Daryl and I have traveled to Duluth, Minnesota; Bayfield, Wisconsin, Chicago; and various parts of Michigan. We've visited with friends and hung out for a week with my entire extended family on my dad's side. More than all of that, we've been at my childhood home with my parents, sisters, brother-in-law, and niece for enough time that none of us were counting down the days we had left.

It's been wonderful.

There will be many pictures to come, but until I get those loaded,  I have some other news to share...

We move to Nashville in just three days! For the first time in our lives (minus the year Daryl had in Nashville, but we're counting this year as our first "official" stay) we will be southerners. We will be Nashville-ites. We will brave the crazy humidity and the boisterous thunderstorms (and the occasional giant spider) and move into our first real grown-up home. Prior to this we've been either in an apartment or in college/seminary housing. This is the first place we've really chosen as adults. It has a WASHER and DRYER. We are going to get some patio furniture! It's going to be wonderful.

I checked the weather for the next ten days, just to see what our move-in would look like:

Friday: 96 degrees, thunderstorms

Saturday: 93 degrees, thunderstorms

Sunday: 90, thunderstorms

Monday: 90, thunderstorms

Tuesday: 89, thunderstorms

Wednesday: 89, thunderstorms

Thursday: 87, thunderstorms

Friday: 89, thunderstorms

On the upside, it does look to be cooling off a bit...

I am 100% excited, but I'm also wondering, am I ready for this part of the country? That's some weather there, folks! Eep...

Ouch. My ____ Hurts!

I have been seriously out of shape for the past three years.

That's not a sentence I thought I'd ever write. Growing up I played ice hockey and soccer and ran track. I was always in shape.

In college I rock climbed four or five days a week. I had shoulder muscles on my shoulder muscles. I had triceps on my triceps. I could do (wait for it... wait for it...) NINE pull-ups in a row. It was rad.

But then I went to graduate school and spent all my time hunched over my laptop writing papers. The time I had where I wasn't hunched over my laptop writing papers I was either working dozens of hours at an internship, teaching classes at a local university, working as a teaching assistant at the seminary, or (most often) all three. After days like those I would be lucky if I could cook dinner before I collapse onto the couch to do the next day's reading.

I learned a heckuvalot, but I sure didn't exercise.

By this point in the post, if you don't know me personally, you're probably picturing a giant, flabby person. That's the thing, though - I haven't really gained any weight. This is good and bad. Good because I still fit in my clothes, but bad because I had no real incentive to get back in shape. Why bother?

Well, now is the time. This summer I've spent time with family in northern Wisconsin and I have decided - nay, vowed - to get back in shape. No matter what. At any cost. My rationale is this: if I can't exercise now, with no real time commitments, I will never exercise again.

Fifteen days ago, I began ninety days of insanity.

I began P90X.

P90X is basically a 90-day boot camp to get in great shape. It's a big infomercial seller, but my parents had the good fortune to find it at a local thrift store for $20.00, so I'm doing it for free right now. You exercise for between an hour and an hour and a half six days a week at intense levels. You work out your arms, legs, abs, and cardio. You push yourself to the point of wanting to throw up. It's insanity, I tell you!

After two weeks, my everything hurts. On the upside, I am beginning to see a bit of toning in my arms, legs, and abs. And I'm sleeping better than I have in years. I mean, like the dead, sleeping. It's glorious.

Daryl's doing it with me. It's hard. It's glorious. It's necessary. It's time.

We'll keep you posted.